Archive for the ‘Muse’s Musings’ Category

There comes a time in our lives where we have to let an aspect of it go.  I started to do this when I wrote my memoir Blood and Pudding, and pushed the journey further when I put together They Be We.  Memoirs and self-portraits go hand and hand.  The more you delve into your persona the more you understand how it works.  We come across patterns.  Some of these patterns have helped us through life and others have hindered us.  Once you dig deep enough, you know which ones have to go. Saying goodbye to that inner nag, the negative self can be extremely hard.  Especially when it is our comfort zone.  Sometimes we let the negative self take over.  This is usually caused by self-esteem issues, not thinking we are worth it.  We think, “That person is so much better at this.” or “This is the best it’s going to get.”  Letting these negative thoughts get the best of us not only hinders our actions, but it blocks our paths.  Every single one of us deserves the best life we can live.  It’s all about clearing away blocks and letting in light.  Of course in order to find the light we must take a journey through the darkness.  Just don’t let it encase you.

A few days ago my friend Jacob and I decided to take these Victorian post-mortem photos.  Morbid? A little.  Liberating? Very much so.  By putting to rest behaviors that hold us back we can advance to the next level in our lives.  Freeing ourselves of these behaviors that bind us to inaction, indecision, and stagnation.  Use this time with your camera to find you, write in journals, and release what holds you back.  Don’t let that baggage weigh you down when the doors start to fly wide open.


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my favorite lover

i spent the morning sipping coffee, curled up with Billy*, my favorite lover.
to be fair, everyone is my favorite lover in the moment, including myself.
spontaneous and fresh
his words moved through my bones like espresso jazz fused with kundalini
i kept him on my tongue while the light grew from warm to neutral
and the grains of the day slipped through the neck of morning
i was paralyzed to all other tasks
his talent to romanticize so delightfully distracting
not romanticizing in an Ovid-esque way of course
but rather unearthing the majesty of cracked wood
there is beauty in the cracks, he tells me
our lives are unfinished floorboards collecting dust
they are not evenings spent at the Adriatic Sea
and, even if they were, there would of course still be
cracks in the sand.

*billy collins

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What was your experience like with TBW?

outstanding. I feel lucky to even know about it, let alone be featured or a part of it at all.
What was the inspiration for your images?
actually my submissions to TBW were taken from a collection of self portraiture shots i had done over the year. So. i had and have changed alot even
now from those photos, so each picture is a reminder of things i want to hold dear to my memory as myself.

What did you learn about yourself from the experience?

That inspiration comes from all20perspectives of life. I love being “the mother” because during the time i shot all the self portrait photos that ended up being chosen, i had just become a mother. i think that TBW lets you into corners of human nature you either desire, are curious about understanding, or want to be up front in the brightest light imaginable. Its really a universal gift to the photography aspect and emotional aspect. I would reccomend being part of it, making your own, any part of it is amazing.

Do you feel you are in the same state of mind as when you started?
oh amazing changes have come into my life since. I at that time aspired to start a carreer in modeling and photography, and for a short time thought that because i had gotton pregnant so suprisingly, that alot of that stuff wouldnt ever happen.
ive since then accomplished alot of goals in modeling and paving my path to become a photographer, so i think that Katelan’s book aspired me to stop assuming the ideas in my heart and head were impossible, and, just, become it. do it.
So. maybe i am in the same state, of inspiration and love for what i want that is.
What advice would you give to those wanting to take their own portraits?

Dont think about it. Carry your camera with you everywhere. sniper shoot yourself when you think you are at your worst. often times you’ll be suprised how beautiful you are.
You’ll never know how you actually look through other peoples eyes, so sometimes you have to keep that in mind.


Location: Cheyenne, Wyoming
Sun Sign: Gemini
Virtue: I will do anything for you.Without ever asking for anything. ever.
Vice: I’m actually a very brash character that often pisses people off because its misleading. I look like a sympathiser who will tell you anything you want to hear, instead, i tell you whats logical, and honest.
Secret Self Esteem Booster: A new dress from the vintage store. A pair of Viynal heels, and my favorite song ive danced in the mirror to 100 times before.
What Inspires You: Outer Space

Playlist (give 5-10 songs on your ipod)
1./lullaby: the cure
2./Cleopatras cat: Spin Doctors
3./Suzie Q: CCR
4./What is Fight Club?:Dust Brothers
5./I would die for you:Prince
6./Victory Strikes Again: Andrew W.K.
7./Let her Cry: Hootie and the Blowfish
8./Patterns: Sky eats Airplane
9./Where do we go from here: Filter
10./King of the road: Dean Martin
Picture 1

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As seen on the streets.







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What was your experience like with TBW?

I must say when Katelan first asked me to do the project I was a little scared. I’m so used to the one behind the camera that I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this assignment.  I waited a long time before I even started the project….almost down to the last week we were supposed to submit the work. But in the end I am so glad I did it. Once I got my idea in my head and did not think about it I actually had a lot of fun with this project. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. J

What was the inspiration for your images?

Pressure was part of my decision. With only one week left to gather my images, I tried a variety of shots within my apartment but nothing was coming out how I wanted it. So I decided not to use a camera but instead use a scanner. I had an idea that was floating around in my mind and I was never really sure how to translate it to an image. I found that the scanner did just that.  Using the scanner I was able to get that specific emotion that I had crammed up in my mind.

What did you learn about yourself from the experience?

I learned that exposing my self to the rest of the world is not so hard.  It was nerve racking and uncomfortable for me to do this. I’ve taken several self-portraits in my lifetime but I’ve never showed them to anyone.  I never wanted anyone to see me in that light. I also felt more comfortable photographing some else. Never myself. But after doing this project I feel more at ease and will most likely do it again.

Do you feel you are in the same state of mind as when you started?

Although I still am apprehensive about doing a self portrait… I feel like its not so bad and that I will do it again.  I’m more comfortable with who I am, where I feel that in any light, good or bad sometimes its ok to expose that to others.  I’m a little more relaxed and confident.

What advice would you give to those wanting to take their own portraits?

Have fun! Don’t think about it…too much.  Don’t doubt yourself…. try it out first before you make a judgment because you might be surprised with what you find.  And eat a cookie while you work and listen to some good music. J


Location: Brooklyn, NY

Sun Sign: Gemini

Virtue: caring for others

Vice: wish I were more open with others….and cookies…lots of cookies. J

Secret Self Esteem Booster: music and the early morning hours of the day.

What Inspires You: helping those in need whatever the circumstance.

Playlist (give 5-10 songs on your ipod):

“One Way to Fall”—Yo La Tengo

“Esma Yalli”—Hakim

“Friends from Rio”—-Escravos De jo

“Arrival in Benaras” —-Ustad Vilayat Khan

“Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt”—The Mars Volta

“Hawaiian Cowboy”—Ol K. Brights Hollywaiians

“Six Days”——DJ Shadow

“Apache”—-The Incredible Bongo Band

“Off Duty Trip”—The Raincoats

“Wicked World”—-Black Sabbath


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